Happiness

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

– Aristotle

I recently celebrated my 55^th birthday, and getting to an age where I could start drawing from my pension funds got me to a place of serious self-reflection… I don’t have many regrets, and I certainly don’t have any desire to turn back the clock to relive my life, but there is one area where I would have liked to do things differently – Happiness. Over the past decade, I have come to the real understanding that I have the power to truly take charge of my destiny, and with that came the realisation that I could have done much more in the past to live a happier life. I would like to share with you some of my realisations, which I am calling “happiness factors”, in the hope that you and I will apply some of these to not have regrets one day:    

Happiness factor #1 – Spirituality

Spirituality is the recognition that we do have a connection to something bigger than ourselves. Most of us express this through our organised religion, but many people are spiritual but not religious, finding meaning in other things. Regardless, it is a deeply personal and subjective experience, which often includes feelings of peace, awe, and interconnectedness, and can be a source of comfort during difficult times. 

“Physical strength can never permanently withstand the impact of spiritual force.”

– Franklin D. Roosevelt

As a religious person, I truly believe that our relationship with God, whoever your God is, should be the most important relationship, as He created us and provides for us. Even though I believe in the power of taking charge and that God has given us the ability to facilitate positive change and outcomes in our lives, I also believe that, ultimately, God’s plan will prevail. This gives me a serious sense of peace and happiness, in the sense that I know I cannot call myself a religious person if I don’t trust in God’s plan for my life. If you are not a religious person, then at least believe in “a plan” or “thé plan” that you or The Universe scripted for your life to get a share of the peace and happiness that comes with it.       

Happiness factor #2 – Looking after my Body, Mind and Soul

“Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body, rather than a body with a soul.”

– Wayne Dyer

I get a sense that most of us mainly focus on our bodies when we talk about self-care, which is a mistake. It is critical that we look after Body, Mind and Soul. They are all 3 interconnected parts of your whole being, and caring for each one improves your physical and mental health, reduces stress, and helps you live a more balanced and vibrant life. I practice mindfulness and try to spend more time in nature, but your mental en emotional practices might include other things like connecting with others through social activities or pursuing other personal passions. My suggestion is that you list these practices specific to your life, which help you look after your whole being, and do them more regularly.   

Happiness factor #3 – Focusing on what I dó have

During my tenure at a great company, before I decided to live out my true career passion, we used the phrase “don’t only focus on the fly on the pizza”. If there is a small fly in one corner of a pizza slice, we could easily focus on that 1 thing that is “wrong” versus focusing on the beautiful arrangement of ingredients of the rest of the pizza. During leadership coaching sessions, I often realise that coachees have an imbalance in that they only focus on their hardships and challenges, versus what they do have. When they then complete a gratitude list, as a tool to get a more balanced perspective, to also focus on the things they dó have, they get a better perspective of their lives.      

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”

– Willie Nelson

I am an Enneagram practitioner, which is a powerful tool to use for growth and self-development. According to my Enneagram assessment, I am a Strict Perfectionist. As a result, I am very much focused on trying to “fix” the things that are not right in my life, versus also focusing on the good, positive things I do have in my life. My Dad would occasionally remind me that we need to look at the big picture, which helps me to have a balanced outlook on life by also counting the blessings that I have…

Happiness factor #4 – Having the courage to be vulnerable

When referring to vulnerability, my focus is on the state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty. Males typically commit 4 times more suicide than women, and I believe this is mainly because they are not willing to become vulnerable and share their inner struggles with people whom they can trust. In this case, pride becomes a killer, literally. I also believe that vulnerability is the first step towards psychological healing, because if you can’t share your inner struggles, how do you expect someone to help you?   

“Vulnerability is not a weakness. It’s our greatest measure of courage.”

– Brené Brown

I am mostly an open book, yet I also sometimes find it difficult to open up when I am experiencing hardship. The reality is that all of us, regardless of gender, can practice or learn to become more psychologically vulnerable. You would agree that when we gain the courage to be more vulnerable, we then experience a sense of relief that contributes to our happiness.

Happiness factor #5 – Positive self-talk

Self-talk is the most powerful form of communication, because it either empowers you or defeats you. We have a life coach with us 24/7 called Self, and we can choose what kind of self-talk we entertain in our lives. We often make the mistake, though, that optimism is always believing that everything will be fine. I recently listened to a Simon Sinek video where he clarified this in saying, “Optimism is the undying belief that the future is bright, but it is realistic. It can accept that the times we are in now can be dark, but the only way to get through this is by being together.”

“Optimism doesn’t mean that you are blind to the reality of the situation. It means that you remain motivated to seek a solution to whatever problems arise.”

– Dalai Lama

Even in tough times, we can decide how we approach life and how we speak to ourselves… As a biker, we get taught that we should not focus on the pothole in the road, because if we do, we can be sure to hit it. Instead, we should focus on the gaps. When I talk to myself in a way that supports a focus on the “gaps in the road”, representing the opportunities in life, then I find ways to overcome challenges that lead to freedom and joy.

Happiness factor #6 – Enjoying what you do in life

I chose to leave the corporate world and received my last paycheck as an employee at an executive level on 25 March 2020, which was 2 days before the COVID-19 hard lockdown came into effect in our country. At that point in my career, I made the call to follow my true passion for the rest of my professional life in developing leaders in Southern Africa. From that day onwards, I never had to “work” again as I get up every day, really enjoying what I do for a living.     

“Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

– Mark Twain

“The grass is greener where you water it.”

– Neil Barringham

Happiness factor #7 – Celebrating your successes

I used to be very hard on myself, which is something I have been working on for a very long time. I am now at a point where I am much more my own best friend than my own worst enemy. What helped me a lot was celebrating my successes more, even if they were small. By celebrating my successes, I give myself the recognition for all my efforts, which fuels my happiness.    

Something else I worked on hard in recent years, along with my personal development journey, was to be more accepting of a compliment from someone when it comes along. When we make compliments our own, it’s another way of celebrating our success, which leads to more happiness. 

Happiness factor #8 – Solid relationships

I believe that relationships are the superglue that holds everything together. Research suggests that people who have strong relationships and social connections not only live longer, but they are also happier. A lot of that happiness lies in being able to give to others, also to those people who don’t have what we have. If we don’t have money, it could instead be some of your time, donating blood, giving a compliment to a chef for an exceptional meal, or simply smiling at a stranger. Happiness is the gift that we receive in return for doing these things for anyone in our lives.  

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”

– Albert Einstein

In this article, I shared with you the factors that contribute to my happiness. Some of these might apply to your life, and others might not. I would like to invite you, though, to make a list of all the happiness factors in your life. Then work hard to ensure that you are successful in these areas, bearing in mind that we cannot change the past and need to look to the future in doing things differently, better…

I wish you a Merry Christmas and lots of happiness in 2026…

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Hekkie van der Westhuizen, PhD