“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving. We get stronger and more resilient.”
– Steve Maraboli
At recent conferences or other speaker engagements, I have asked the question if anyone thinks that life is getting easier… Not once did someone give me a positive response to this question. Why? Because, simply, life is definitely not getting easier, and as Steve Maraboli points out, we need to get stronger and more resilient by acquiring relevant “survival skills”.
When I refer to survival skills, I am not referring to survival hard skills like securing shelter, finding or creating a water source or obtaining food. Instead, I am referring to soft skills, which I believe will assist us in becoming more resilient to face the challenges that life throws at us, now more than ever.
Survival Skill #1 – Take Charge
When I wrote “Conquering my NeMEsis”, the first chapter of the book was titled Taking Charge. I am a firm believer in the fact that we don’t take charge enough to facilitate positive change in our lives and the lives of the people around us. This is something I also see very often when I do leadership coaching sessions. We underestimate the extent to which we can take charge. We can only create the life we want if we truly take charge of all aspects of our lives as much as we possibly can, even if this means that we need to make tough decisions.
“Until you take charge of your own life, things don’t happen.”
– Suzanne Braun Levine
We also need to be intentional about the things we do… Otherwise, we’ll be like a floating wine cork on the surface of the sea, being pushed from pillar to post by other people or circumstances. Finally, taking charge also means that I don’t compare myself with anyone else than with the best version of me. If I compare myself with anyone else, then I allow myself to be distracted from being the best version of me.
Survival Skill #2 – Start with Self
As I am writing this article, I am sitting on an aeroplane returning home from a local business trip. I was just told in the safety briefing to, in the case of an emergency, put the oxygen mask over my own face first, before I assist a fellow passenger. Why? Simply because, if I try and assist someone else first, then I might succumb together with them because of a lack of oxygen.
“The first key, the key to unlocking your universe, is to put yourself first.”
– Connie Cash
If I look after my own well-being first, is it not selfish, you might ask? The answer is “NO”. The reality is that we cannot pour from an empty cup, and if we only focus on the survival of others, we will not survive and also cause those people who are dependent on us to suffer as a result.
Survival Skill #3 – Become more Vulnerable
Especially we as men, are guilty of the fact that we don’t talk when it’s necessary to talk. That’s one of the main reasons why men, roughly, commit suicide four times as many times suicide as women. Pride is a killer… literally. There is no sense in refusing to speak up if you are battling to survive, not realising that it’s ok to not be ok.
“Vulnerability is not a weakness. It is our greatest measure of courage.”
– Brenè Brown
I am not, for one second, saying that you must weep uncontrollably every day in sharing your innermost secrets, but I would suggest that you find an accountability partner whom you can trust with your feelings, to share and ask for advice, when and if needed. In saying this, don’t underestimate the liberating feeling of just sharing your burdens with a trusting companion. Someone for whom you can play the same role in a reciprocal, mutually beneficial relationship.
Survival Skill #4 – Improve Personal Productivity
Given life’s increased demands on us, I have found that by increasing my personal productivity, I am not only able to achieve more, but it also provides me with an increased sense of being more in control of my life. I can attest to the fact that this is an amazing feeling.
“Nothing is less productive than to make more efficient what should not be done at all.”
– Peter Drucker
Being more focused, delegating effectively, being able to say “No”, procrastinating less, using time blocks effectively, prioritising tasks, dealing with e-mails effectively, and just being more disciplined in general, are all effective ways of improving our personal productivity. By doing this, we effectively free up time and, as a result, we feel less overwhelmed and more on top of things, which assists us in surviving much more easily.
Survival Skill #5 – Charge your “Life Batteries”
I use a concept that I coined, “life batteries”. These are activities that provide me with a sense of peace, and which I need to do frequently to destress. When I am less stressed, it simply increases my resiliency, and I have much more strength to manage life’s challenges. By charging my life batteries, I am much more equipped to survive…
“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.”
– Albert Einstein
The things that charge my life batteries include cardiovascular exercise, like swimming and jogging, spending time in the bush, mindfulness meditation and taking quality time off with my family. We are all unique, and for you, these life battery charging activities will probably differ. Whatever it is, I would like to encourage you to identify these activities and to do more of them in order to find it easier to cope.
Survival Skill #6 – Find Balance
You might be familiar with the “Wheel of Life” concept, which is a visual representation of different life areas, allowing us to rate our satisfaction in each and identify areas needing more attention. By visualising the balance (or imbalance) in different areas like your career, relationships with family and friends, health, and personal growth, it helps us to set goals and work towards a more fulfilling life.
“Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create.”
– Jana Kingsford
Think of this wheel as a bicycle wheel, where each area in which you would like to achieve future success is represented by a spoke on this wheel. Now, let’s assume that you don’t have any balance in life and you only focus on work, day in and day out. Imagine how this wheel would be moving forward with only one spoke… It simply would not be able to operate properly.
If you then lose your job, for argument’s sake, and the only spoke you had broke, then you would not have a wheel at all. If you have balance, though, by also spending quality time on the other areas of your life, then you will have enough areas in your life that will assist you to survive mentally and physically, if one of your spokes had to break, like losing your job.
Survival Skill #7 – Adapt
The well-known saying “adapt or die” does not mean that we necessarily need to accept the new realities that we are faced with in life. It simply means that we need to adapt or adjust to them to survive. Otherwise, on a personal level, we will potentially become like Kodak, which did not embrace digital photography or BlackBerry, which was too slow to adopt touchscreen technology and underestimated the growing App Ecosystem.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”
– Charles Darwin
If we don’t, for example, embrace emerging technologies like Artificial Intelligence (AI) in our careers and personal lives, then we will fall behind and inhibit our ability to survive. Why? Simply, because in a very competitive world, we need to explore and implement anything and everything possible, to make the best of the situation that we find ourselves in, including the achievement of our goals. That is, of course, assuming that it’s legally, morally and ethically acceptable.
Author Dr. Hekkie van der Westhuizen shares practical self-leadership tips, tools and interventions in the form of stepping stones that will assist you along the journey to becoming the best possible version of yourself.
R230.00
